Unsolicited Advice (reader question)
After a post I shared looking for blog ideas a reader wrote:
(in regards to being a grandparent) "When and how to give advice. Sometimes I want to give advice, but don't so that they can formulate their own choices and afterward they say "Why didn't you tell us what you thought." Other times I give my advice and they don't want to hear it. I think there is valuable wisdom that, today, seems old-fashioned because of information on the internet. In the same vein I think technology has dulled down our natural instincts. I am not against looking up information on Google. I do it all the time. It's just that there are things that were done by grandmas, my grandma, that seem to have been lost." Denise G.
I love this topic Denise. I mostly love it because it triggers me to look at my own demons and I have been known to be a queen of unsolicited advice.
The thing I find the most tricky about unsolicited advice is the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".... here's what's tricky- I LOVE all advice, all suggestions, all ideas that are not my own as long as they are presented in a non-condescending tone. So I can fight the urge to suggest, because some people don't like it, or I can "do unto others."
I vote more of us become do-ers than sitters. What's the worst that can happen, they don't take your advice? Who cares? At least you offered it, because what if it was the exact thing that would free them from the chains of fear, confusion, or stuck-ness. Wouldn't you rather take a chance on FREEDOM?
So here are some of my thoughts around unsolicitated advice:
Consider asking- Would you be open to a suggestion? Then honor their answer, no matter what it is- this builds trust.
If you do offer advice, be respectful, tone and body languge are HUGE here (listen to the audio for an example). "I have a remedy that works like a charm."
When in doubt, do what you wish someone would do for you.
Make sure your motive is in service and not coming from your ego.
If you offer advice, let it go after that. Whether they take your advice or not, avoid "I told you SOs". You can even give them credit upon reflection. "I only mentioned it, you get all the credit for implementing it."