You don't have to love it all.
I used to have this "should story".
"I should like gardening and landscaping."
Only problem is that I DON'T like gardening or landscaping. What I like is gardens and landscapes. I like gardens that other people create: vegetable, rock, zen, flower... I LOVE other people's gardens, but the mere thought of tending to a garden makes me literally want to cry. I have NO desire to tend to a garden.
The "should story" used to tell me that something was wrong with me because I don't like getting my knees in the earth or my hands dirty. Self-acceptance had mostly rid me of this story, but it snuck back in this week. I really want a front yard pick me up, and I let the story come back.
BIG mistake
I just left our town common plant sale in tears. My heart literally hurt. And then I realized it was the "should story" bubbling back up, and that I had complete control of letting it go again.
I kept asking myself questions and figured out that what I really want, what I REALLY REALLY want, is to pay someone to landscape my yard. I want to be able to afford that delicious expense that feels so luxurious and abundant at this very moment. I want it so bad that my heart aches when I get really honest with myself.
This is GOOD NEWS!
Now that I know what's really going on I can do something about it. I can take inspired action. If I didn't keep asking questions I would probably still be in my car crying. There's nothing wrong with crying, but I'd rather keep the tears to a minimum and make shit happen.
Here's how I do some of the work:
Thought
Question
Action
Thought:
- "I should like gardening and landscaping."
Who does this thought belong to?
- My scarcity self.
What purpose does this thought serve?
- It's trying to save me money, or show me that I can do it myself.
When am I ready to release this thought?
- Now
Where do I need to put this thought next?
- Aside; it's not a terrible thought. It actually brought me great awareness about what I really want.
Why am I giving this thought power?
- Because it's trying to help me get what I want. I can allow it to make me feel bad about myself, or allow it to help me GROW.
How can my WHY and or purpose lead me to my next action?
My WHY is GROWTH.
GROWTH asks me to ditch the "should story" and keep doing what I'm doing because I am right at the edge of accessing play money. I am right at the surface of a huge expansion and I can either keep going or waste time on this "should story.".
GROWTH reminds me that I am in charge. I get to write whatever story I want, and my new story involves paying some who loves gardening and landscaping to bring more joy to my home.
GROWTH says, "You don't have to LOVE gardening in order to love life. Honor what's true for you."
