Amanda Star Kingsley is a woman of big dreams and a child of the universe. She delights in life's simple pleasures: making someone smile, learning about a new resource, making a new friend... she lives every day in the light of possibility.
Life has thrown her a few hurdles, but she refuses to let them define her, and now she’s teaching others to do the same!
Living with a 3.5 year old boy is like having a prehistoric tiger in your house. I’m in awe of his beauty, but terrified for his unpredictable fierceness. His BIG feelings are like tsunami waves knocking us over when they burst in.
(he's holding a ginormous plastic ball) “Mom, can you blow this up?”
“Sure, let’s go outside.” (breath by breath I give my life force to the big plastic ball, then he kicks the ball while I blow, why? because, as I've learned boys like to kick things)
“No, not cool.” (stern mommy voice)
“Now! I don’t want you to blow it up.” (he doesn't like reprimand)
“OK” (I stop and stand up)
“I WANT YOU TO BLOW IT UP!!!!!!!!!” (screaming at me and crying now)
This is when I start to lose my shit.
“Bud, your words matter. What you say matters. How you say it matters. Decide what you want, and use your words to tell me. I’ll be inside.” (I go inside)
He’s in full blown tantrum now, likely alerting the neighbors to:
a) call child services b) curse me as a parent c) send me energetic support.
Now I have to decide what to do next, and thus the work of The Model comes into play.
"The Model"- a Brooke Castillo process, with an Amanda Kingsley twist...
Life out of alignment:
Situation - Toddler Tantrum
My thought about the situation - “Parenting sucks, someone make him stop.”
The feeling this thought triggered - FRUSTRATION
The action I took from this feeling - Walk away wishing I could throw a tantrum myself.
My NEW thought about the SAME situation - “Being a parent is hard, but so is being a toddler.”
The NEW feeling this thought triggered - Compassion
The NEW action I took from this feeling - Walk away knowing that I was fully available to hold and talk him through this when he felt ready. I then sat a distance away holding space for us both to cool down and make room for growth.
The result -LOVE and reconnection
ASK (Is this in alignment with my WHY) -ABSOLUTELY!