Amanda Star Kingsley is a woman of big dreams and a child of the universe. She delights in life's simple pleasures: making someone smile, learning about a new resource, making a new friend... she lives every day in the light of possibility.
Life has thrown her a few hurdles, but she refuses to let them define her, and now she’s teaching others to do the same!
I learned recently the term “script” in reference to handling difficult situations.
A script is a pre-stored message/set of messages, or pre-written phrases or sentences that provide the language that goes into a specific conversation.
In the particularly heated abortion climate of this Spring of 2019 I’m finding myself entering more and more conversations about abortion than ever before. When I am in a healthy mindset (I’ve self-coached and self-cared) I choose to engage in public conversations as a service representative for all of us who’ve chosen abortion. When I decide to “go there” I have to maintain clarity and boundaries.
I find that many women who’ve had abortions struggle with “how to talk about it”. When we feel fear or discomfort thinking about abortion conversations, it usually means we need some attention to healthy boundaries.
Remember that NO ONE has a right to expect you to talk about your abortion any more than you are comfortable. Your abortion. Your body. Your choice.
You can choose to start and end conversations at any length that feels right, and you never have to feel bad about it. These scripts may be helpful in doing so, but the key is to speak them (or write them) with confidence and clarity, even if they are followed by an “awkward silence”.
Your job is to say what you need to say and then let the silence sit. It’s not your job to protect the other people in conversation from their own thoughts and feelings. You take care of you and let them take care of themselves.
Here’s twelve ready to go scripts broken into three different likely scenarios:
You chose abortion for personal reasons and aren’t interested in either talking to the whole world about the facts it or outright lying.
They don’t need to know why
“This/That pregnancy wasn’t mean to go to term.”
My abortion was in fact a personal loss
“Our/That baby is no longer with us.”
Stick to the facts
“I’m no longer pregnant.”
“It wasn’t the right time for that baby.”
You had an abortion and people are asking you uncomfortably personal questions about it:
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
Change the subject
“I’d rather talk about something else.”
Draw the line
“I’m not comfortable sharing any more.”
“I made the best decision for me.”
You find yourself in a political or religious debate with someone who won’t let up:
“It’s time for me to leave this conversation.”
Let it go
“You keep your beliefs and I’ll keep mine.”
“We don’t have to agree to remain in this relationship.”
Catch your breath
“I don’t think this conversation is getting anywhere; let’s both take some time to think about it.”
Respectfully speak your truth.
Stand in your confidence.
Let other people take care of their own thoughts and feelings.