Hibernation for Transformation
A heartfelt reflection by Amanda at the close of 2022.
Show Notes:
Instagram hibernation post
What does our entire reproductive journey look like?
The whole experience of being a fertile human
Shame, guilt, grief, regret… they are human feelings not isolated to the post abortion time
My money challenges
There is no magic formula
Working the tools to get where I want to go
I’ve been giving giving giving to you, BUT I haven’t been fighting for you
I’m truly proud of what I’ve created, AND…
I’m sorry.
I know in every cell of my being that what I do here matters. That the ways I help people matter. That the things I have to say matter. That the tools I’ve gathered to share with you matter.
I know I change lives just by showing up and being me and I’m immensely proud of all of it.
And, I’ve failed some of you.
Some of you have come to me for help and I’ve held back. I didn’t fight for you the way I would have fought for my daughters, my friends, my most treasured people. Instead of showing you how much I believe in you, how much I believe that your well being matters, how passionately I know that after abortion work is life infusing work, I was timid, quiet, shy about showing you what I believe is possible.
I’ve failed some of you, but it was never because I didn’t believe in you.
It was that I didn’t believe in myself. I was afraid I’d fail you. I was afraid I wouldn’t be your perfect fit, the exact thing you need, the magic formula… when all along I knew that there was no perfect fit, no exact thing you need, no magic formula.
Just like when you made your abortion decisions knowing there was no guaranteed outcome I could have helped you make your healing decisions knowing there was no guaranteed outcome. The truth is that I can’t do the work for you. I can’t use the tools for you. You have to do that part, but I 1000% know that if you do, your entire life will change for the better. I am living proof of that. My clients are living proof of that.
I’ve been over here sitting on a treasure chest of tools and resources that will completely transform your life, and I’ve been afraid to grab your hand and say, “Let’s go. You can do this. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
I’ve shown you my hand, offered you my hand, even lovingly waved goodbye when you said “no thank you,” but the truth is I let you go when I wanted to fight harder for you. I wanted you to feel the strength of my belief, but I was afraid of gripping too hard. I didn’t want to hurt you so I let go, but some of you got hurt anyway, you got hurt because I let go.
For that I am sorry.
No matter what our stories, living is about growing. I’m closing 2022 having grown. You are too. Even if it’s hard to see, I promise you that’s true. Sometimes growing is dark and dirty, sometimes it’s vibrant and colorful, most of the time it’s somewhere in between.
I’m entering 2023 ready to grow more, and in this next stage of growth I’m going to fight harder for you. I’m going to fight harder for myself. We are worth it.
There is never a wrong time to believe bigger. I’m entering this year believing bigger and I’m bringing as many of you as are ready to join me along for the ride. My grip will be loving, but it will also be firm. I believe in us!
