Accumulated Resentments and Feeling Invalidated
Ksenia Barton offers individualized brain-based coaching for Generation X men and women. She shows people how to stop living lives half-lived.
Learn more here: www.kseniabarton.com
Show Notes:
Accumulated resentments
The Gen X experience
Al Turtle- “resentment- a memory of a past invalidation”
Disappointing birth control options
Watched my mom go through unplanned pregnancy “in those days… a burden that you carried with you”
How do you support someone who is experiencing resentment?
Show how we see their experience from their point of view by asking: What happened, what did you see/hear? What feelings did that bring up? How did you react when you felt that way? How did it hurt? How did you experience that as invalidating? What fear did that bring up for you? Does this remind you of anything from the past?
Applied empathy
Self-responsibility and also opportunity for us to support each other
How do I see? Rather than How do I fix?
“Being in a role of healing resentment we’re not buying into the blame of it”
“We’re coming back to ourselves”
Example: I didn’t have a choice; he made me do it; it’s not fair
What did he say? What did he do? What was happening in that moment?
What did that feel like?
“Curiosity and love are the foundation for validation”
“Feeling validation created safety”
Relationships- reliable membership and diversity
I belong. I can feel safe in that belonging
My experience of this is not the same as your experience of this
The skills of validation are quite basic- it’s not rocket science
The mental health crisis we’re facing is not going to be solved by mental health professionals alone
“Resentments can be healed”
“Be grounded in the validity of your own experience”
“Do you want to talk about this? Is this a good time?”
The more private experiences are, the less opportunity for them to be seen and validated.
www.kseniabarton.com
